Fag 2: I make myself a cup of coffee, drinking it in bed i whack on some deep house to wake myself up and enjoy another fag with the coffe for that morning laxative effect....because the hell i'm taking a dump in the toilets at school where the children persist on talking to me while i relieve myself.
Fag 3: At 7:15 I leave my apartment, looking outside the weather looks grey whereas yesterday it was scorching and humid, on my way out i light a fag.
Fag 4: 5 minutes into my 20 minute ride to school the heavens open and I am now drenched so i continue cyclcing in the torrential rain with no umbrella or coat dodging between Chinese traffic, almost getting mowed down every few minutes, though reading Chinese restaurant signs is always amusing on the way.... until i find my usual slip road 5 minutes from my school, under the cover of a tree I relieve my stress by lighting another fag.
Fag 5: After jumping around like a clown and generarly making a tit of myself in front of 60 Chinese kids for 45 minutes i go outside the front gates away from being a 'bad influence' and light another fag.
Fag 6: 2 hours and 35 minutes have passed now, after doing the same lesson four times this morning which is currently on 'Rules' (No Running, No Shouting, No Eating, No Animals) after repeating the sames phrases a good few hundred times and again generarly acting a prat for the kids, i light another fag.
Fag 7: On my 20 minute cycle home it is still raining, though only drizzling now, but to avoid an unfortunate droplet of water hitting my cigarette i stop at the same spot from the morning and light a fag.
Fag 8: It stops raining half way through the journey, so i light a fag to smoke whilst cycling....poster boy for healthy living
Fags 9, 10, 11, 12 & 13: I get home to rest for an hour and a half, I cook the same thing i eat EVERY F**KING day as there really isn't much variety in food in China which will usually be fried rice/noodles with vegetables. Whilst smoking a large majority of my cigarettes.
Fag 14: Stopping at my usual spot i light another fag before the afternoon begins...another 3 lessons of NO SWIMMING, NO EATING, NO CAMPING etc etc.
Fag 15: At the end of my school day i have done 7 lessons and taught about 400 children, which even the Chinese teachers will not do! My voice has gone, I'm tired and overall a sweaty mess due to the humidity and how much I jump around and act a pr**k in class. As soon as I'm out the gates....I light a fag
Fag 16: Cycling with a fag and nearly dying in traffic.
Fags 17 & 18: I sit with Dan & Matt discussing how their days have been over a large beer and a few fags.
Fag 19: Upon realisation that I'm running out of fags, I smoke one whilst walking to the shop to buy another pack (which is about 65 pence) and a few beers for the evening).
Fags 20 - 25: The evening melts away with the local food market, or even a cheap rice place, most the time i cook fried rice....or fried noodles and most days i'll eat at least 9 dumplings due to me having a serious addiction, almost as bad as my smoking.
A Saturday night though!
Would entail a further 20 fags, probably collapsing outside a a nightclub due to downing 'gambay'-ing (downing) far too many beers, usually go through about 48 between 4 of us within a couple of hours, which leaves you in a bit of a mess. Then an extremely late night trip to Mcdonalds....at least it ain't fucking rice!
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