Homeless in Bangkok

The sweat beads from my nose creating a dot-to- dot pattern on the crotch of my baggy fisherman pants, I disregard the fact that it’s starting to look like I’ve pissed myself purely due to exhaustion, inebriation and the ongoing madness around me.

It’s high season in Bangkok, Thailand and the tourists are out in their droves crowding the streets in a wondrous blur of backpackers, from newly enlightened souls fresh from India to fluorescent steroid munching ‘lads on tour’ ready for a night on Bangkok town.

I pull myself back to reality by pulling some ice from my beer glass and wiping my brow with it, as I do this I receive a heavy hand on my shoulder;

“Ah la la, this feurking girl, she has feurking hurt me for the last time, she comes to find me over new years and she tells me she loves me and I fall in love with her also, but feurk……now I cannot see her” the gentleman sitting next to me exclaims whilst sobbing.

The man’s name is ‘Eric’ and he is one of an estimated 400 homeless ‘farang’ (foreigner) living in Bangkok at the moment. Eric is a Frenchman who first started teaching in Thailand, nowadays he’s a member of the lonely hearts club 7 nights a week, he has been sleeping rough in Bangkok for almost 6 months.

I smile and pat his shoulder as he continues to bawl his eyes out, opposite me a man tries to get my attention, he mutters something in an inaudible blur along the lines of;

“Lewwkee, Luooeewwwkee! Dontcha’ fockin’ listen to ‘im, do yer’ ba ne’ chance have a cigarette?”

“Yeah course mate”

“….and 32 baht?”

This gentleman was named ‘Darrock’….or ‘Derrick’….or maybe ‘Darrow’, to be honest even after knowing him nearly a year I still can never understand his drunken mumblings let alone when he introduces himself.              The cause for the exact amount of ‘32Baht’ (which is asked regularly by the whole gang) is for them to go and by the delicious drink known as ‘SiamSato’, this sherry/rice wine comes in a large bottle with enough content to strip paint rom the walls at the cheap price of around 60p ($1).

Darrock is a proud Scotsman with a serious alcohol problem, he says he has been on the streets now for about 2 years though I’ve also heard him say it’s been a week…which I can even say isn’t true. He’ll occasionally wander back to the table with a cut eye, occasional broken nose or covered in his own blood, and when asked what happened, most the time the reply will be;

“Ohhh som’ fockin’ jumped op English Cont fockin battered me for nay fockin’ reason’”

                I know, I know, it all sounds like utter madness and to be honest it is, but the vast majority of my time in Bangkok Is spent with homeless foreigners who for one reason or another have lost themselves in Bangkok, why I spend most my time with them you ask?.....Purely for the fact it’s just soo much fucking fun!

The drinking gets intense don’t get me wrong and you do eventually come to the conclusion that madness is catching, but if you want to meet some of the most fuckin interesting people around, go down to ‘Gecko Bar’ on Soi Rambuttri in Bangkok and take a seat, you won’t forget it.

I came across beautiful smelly people around a year ago when I ran into some trouble with a lovely young lady, let’s say I was ‘wrongfully discharged’ from her apartment, she threw 200baht at me (4 pounds) knowing full well I had no finances and told me to “pack my fucking bag and give her the key”, so gracefully I did, catching a 200baht taxi from Sukhumvit to Khaosan Rd I walked the streets for the night trying to pull some money together from backpackers so I could get a room and some food, but to no prevail.

I was…well to put it bluntly, fucked. I had 5 days until I had a flight to where I had a job waiting, and not a penny till then.     Though by some twist of fate I ran into a friend who gave me 500 baht for a few nights rent and some food, it wouldn’t cover the 5 days but I at least had a bed to sleep on and a couple of meals in my stomach.

In true alcoholic style I also bought myself a beer with my meal to take the edge off of being screwed into near enough homelessness.

As I sat drinking I was explaining my situation to a few people, some of these people are the two I have already discussed, Eric, Darrock and a few of the others proceeded to pour me drinks from their glasses which they had somehow scrounged from elsewhere whilst Eric calmly explained to me in the timeless fashion though with a beautiful French accent; “Eh, feurk it, shit ‘appens”

Each and every time I see these guys and how hard it can actually get whilst travelling they still sit with smiles (though sometimes clouded by ‘love lost’ tears), I will remember that yes shit happens, but when you’re down the only way is up.